Lay of Recluse

So long.
So long it has been since ive spent my weekend out with friends.
In the company of those who could make me smile, laugh and joke.
In the company of whom I could release the tension that had been bottled up in me.
Trading jokes, stories and the occasional friendly insults.
A refreshing change in quite a long while.

Instead of being cooped up at home.
Being all broody and morose.
Lamenting on how lonesome ive found myself into.
Letting the melancholy permeating through my inner self.
Wallowing in self-pity and despair.

Its been awhile since ive the opportunity to smile and laugh.
To again put on my mask.
A façade of cheer and joy.
Of being entirely someone else.
Of being the shadow of my former lost past.
Of being the clown again to put a smile on their faces.
Projecting the air of unbridled care and wanton zealousness.
Of being somebody else – but me!

“Make sure when you laugh, your laughing both on the outside and the inside too!” ~ Hoong Tze

How apt.
But unfortunate as ive started on this dark road.
One that I could not find myself from turning back from.
God help me.